Without Saying Goodbye
by Rebel Against The Plaid Skirt
Summary: "It's been four years since you left without even saying goodbye. I'll probably leave this with the others." Crona mysteriously leaves four years ago, and hasn't returned. After finding a typewriter, Kid is compelled to begin writing to Crona, even if Crona can't get the letters. Because it's hard to let go of the one you love, especially when they leave without saying goodbye.
1. Letter 1

Dear Crona,

I'm not really sure what to say, which may or may not be surprising to you. You used to tell me that I always knew what to say, but if you knew me as well as I thought you did, then you know how bad I am at this stuff. I should probably start by apologizing. I'm not sure what I'm apologizing for, but whatever it is I did that pushed you away, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, and if I ever see you again, I hope you'll let me make it up to you.

After all, that would be the gentlemanly thing to do. I still strive towards being a gentleman, although I'm not sure why. Before you came along, I always acted like that because I'm Lord Death's son. I have to be a gentleman, right? Then you came, and the reason was simply to impress you. Did it work? I hope so, although even if it did, look at all the good it did. Even if you were impreessed, you left anyway, without even telling me goodbye.

You know, it's been four years. Four years since you left, and I still berate myself everyday. I should have done something different. But what? How can I know what to change if I don't know what I did wrong in the first place? I can't. Even if I could, what would be the point? It wouldn't bring you back from wherever you are. Where are you, anyway? Where did you go? You never mentioned other places when you talked to me, so I don't know where you could have possibly gone. Since you didn't tell me goodbye, I don't know what you were thinking when you left. I used to be able to read your emotions by just looking at your eyes. What would I have read on that day, Crona? Sadness? Anger? Were you angry at me? Did I say something wrong? Was there something I should have said, that I never did?

Well, I'll say it now. I'll say what I never got to tell you before you left. I'll say what I was planning to tell you the day you left, the day I had picked and been planning for weeks. I'll tell you what I was always too scared to tal about, much less to even mention.

I love you.

Not loved. Not past tense, but present tense. I still love you. Is it ridiculous to say that I feel relieved that I told you? even though this is just going in a box under my bed, never to be mailed? Becuase I do. It's insane, I know, but I can't help but hope that even though you left without saying goodbye, that maybe, you loved me too.

-Death the Kid


	2. Letter 2

Dear Crona,

We never talk about you.

It would just be too painful to talk about you. Just thinking about you makes me feel sick. I am sick, really. Sick of myself, and sick of everyone else, and sick of the pained feeling in my chest that won't go away.

I'm heartsick. And it sucks.

Sometimes, I'll be brave enough to mention you in conversation. I'll just casually bring you up, something like, "Crona loved this place," or maybe, "Crona said this flavor is the best." Every time I do, the reaction is the same. Everyone gets a slightly pained look on their face, and it goes silent before Black*Star makes some loud comment. Things slowly go back to normal. Except, not really. It can never be really normal without you here.

It feels wrong that we can't mention you without causing pain. Why does your name cause everyone so much pain? If you just left like I suspected, then why wouldn't we try to find you? I tried, but Maka stopped me. She told me it was no good, and to leave it be, and since she always looks near tears by this point, I always let it drop. Why does it make her cry? Why can't I go look for you? Sometimes I feel like everyone else knows more about where you went than I do, and I don't know what to think, except, "They would never lie to me about this. Why would they? What would they have to gain?"

Well? What would they? Nothing, right? So, why? I want to talk about you without causing everyone pain, and I want to be able to think about us in public. I'm always thinking about you, public or not, but if I relive some of my favorite memories, I zone out. So I try not to do that unless I'm alone.

Today I freaked out when Black*Star broke the school's symmetry (again). It wasn't like how I usually freak out, though. Before I could, I remembered the first time my OCD got the best of me in front of you. I called myself garbage, and cursed the stripes on my head. Then you did the unthinkable and said you liked them. To be more precise, you said they were "Nice." As soon as I remembered that, I broke into tears. Liz carried me, a sobbing mess, to my bedroom at Gallows Manor, and didn't question me. I'm glad about that.

You know what, Crona? You were nice, too. You were more than nice. You were you. And you are perfect.

-Death the Kid


End file.
